Thanks-Giving Myself the Day Off

My girl friend texted me yesterday to ask if I had Thanksgiving plans, and then invited me to spend it with her family. I thanked her, but told her I’d consider it and get back to her. What I had to consider were my many little plans and designs. …

The first of which was whether to pick up the catering shift I was offered. In fact, they asked if I’m available on all the upcoming holidays – Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve. And zoom – my fear brain goes, Of course! I’m not busy those days, I’m not working my temp job, so I’m not earning on those days – I should do it. (Pause 1: “Should”). I don’t have any plans yet, East Coast orphan that I am, I don’t have any family here, and my friend who hosted last year said that it was too expensive to do it this year. I won’t be hosting, as I now live in Oakland… and no one comes over to this side! and also my apartment isn’t big enough.

…Then, I start to consider every other East Coast orphan (San Francisco has a lot, and we tend to gravitate toward each other) And I begin to wonder what they'll be doing--

And I wouldn’t want to leave my friends high and dry on the holidays--

And I better make sure they have plans--

Or maybe I'll host anyway--

Or maybe I’ll ask someone else to host--

And wouldn’t it be nice to have all my friends together for the holiday, if I can only figure it out. (Pause 2: “Figure it out”)

Or maybe …

Maybe, (breathe), I will simply show up to a friend’s family dinner with homemade pumpkin pie, and a smile.

I asked my financial savvy buddies what they thought about my working on a or all holidays, and they said, a) ask my HP (higher power – i.e. get quiet and ask myself what is the “Super Molly” thing to do, and what is the “Human Molly” thing to do), and b) maybe choose only one holiday to work – perhaps one that isn’t while I’m also in school. (FYI, catering is not as easy as just serving plates – it’s hauling cases of water glasses, wine glasses, champagne glasses, salad plates, dinner plates, dessert plates, table linens, tables, decks of wooden chairs, wine, water, and food up and down flights of stairs or across lawns, all while attempting to not look like you’re breaking a sweat in front of the client – It usually knocks me out for the entire next day, as my body is not nearly as resilient as it used to be.)

What would “Human Molly” do? Hmm. Well, first off, she loves holidays. I do. I absolutely could squeal with delight about the holidays. I love the memories I have of them, the smells associated, the warmth I feel that permeates all layers of skin and soul. I love them. I get squishy thinking about them. – When I was living in South Korea for two years, they did not get squishy about Christmas – or, duh, Thanksgiving. They got a little commercial about it, sure, with some inflatable Santas and some tinsel in the department stores – but for the most part, it was an atheist’s wet dream winter season. And, how I missed home then.  – I have come to conclude that my affinity for the holidays has a lot to do with the fact that it was pretty much the only time of year my family acted normal. We had people over – which never ever happened during the rest of the year. We had smiles and played nice, and façade or not, I loved it. It made me feel safe, and like maybe not everything was fucked.

Luckily, I now know what I need to earn in November and therefore how much I need to work. And the reality is, I don’t need to work on Thanksgiving: the “should”s (see above) are always a major tip off I’m about to put myself in a situation I’ll resent or regret.

I am also aware that anything I feel a frantic need to “figure out” is a sign that I’m trying to organize things that likely don’t need to be organized. My fellow East Coasters are entirely capable of figuring out their own plans – they’re not asking me to create their holiday, and I will feel much calmer not trying to create them!

So, as you might have guessed by now, I texted my girl friend back this morning telling her that I would love to join her family for Thanksgiving. Relieved of my own machinations, I can now look forward to just showing up – with pie. ;)

Hosting Thanksgiving 2009 in my SF apartment. (Turkey never made it to the table!)