Through the Tunnel

Well, I suppose I’m better than yesterday. A number of contributing factors. Met up with friends in the morning, got asked to go see a play this Sunday, got asked to go to that Dharma Punx meditation group tonight, made plans with a friend for tomorrow afternoon, made plans with a friend for Sunday afternoon, got my thesis paperwork signed by the folks I needed and it was confirmed that the last signature I need can be gotten on Monday without penalty, was congratulated (even without the uploading) that I will now have an MFA degree and that that’s an accomplishment even if I don’t feel it right now, ran into my professor who’s helping me with next Saturday’s workshop and got some details worked out, got my locker combination from the sports center and put on the sneakers I’d hidden in there almost 8 months ago, took a REALLY long walk through the awesome grounds at school, had a lovely little conversation with a lizard, walked through the school’s herb and healing plant tour, got some good rehearsal in for acting class, had some good convo’s with student friends of mine, came home and wrote the performance piece for May 1^st and really like how it turned out, and then had a long convo with a great friend of mine.

So…. yes, things pass. I needed ALL of that to get through the funk, and there’s still the lingering notes of Beethoven’s funeral march playing in the back of my head, but I don’t feel quite nearly as pissy or whiny as yesterday. This is good.

Plus, I’ll babysit for nearly all of today, and kids, even though I’m always nervous to babysit for that long of periods (how the f can I entertain kids that long!), they’ll help me get back into the more playful, much less self-serious frame of mind.

There was an enormo orange cat perched on the garage overhang as I was writing my morning pages this morning. I always try to get my cat to notice these things, and tap vigorously out the window, but she rarely seems to get it and thinks I’m just playing. D’ah, well.

Luckily, it feels, there’s really nothing more to report. Getting through my emotional tornado was enough news for me. Oh, I also got a few new books from the library before my scheduled phone call with this woman who used to work at galleries, and now works for a law firm or something for art and artists – i forget exactly what she does, but I wrote it down. I wrote a lot down.

We’ve been trying to schedule this call for nearly a year. I let the thread drop sometime in October, and finally picked it back up this month. And we finally got to speak. She was really helpful and informative, as I gather information about what jobs there are in the fine art world. She asked why I was more interested in the art world than the writing world, and I said, I guess I just feel so surrounded by writers, that I like the avenue of something else. Plus, I told her that personally, I love painting because it gives my brain an alternate route to process and develop things – she said to definitely use that sentiment in interviews.

Plus, she gave me info on the other worlds of fine art. The trifecta, apparently, is galleries, museums, and auction houses. She said that my writing background shouldn’t deter me (as in my lack of fine art/art history background), that as long as I “present well,” and do good work, there’s no reason that this world should be prohibited from me. Which is great news.

So, now I have more info on jobs in that field, a website for fine art jobs to check out, and a contact to run things by. She’s actually a friend of my ex, and he’d put us in touch a million years ago, so, shout out to him. I toyed with texting him my thanks, but figured the best thanks is to just go forward with this work. He doesn’t really need to know. … As my ability to let go of all outcome or response from him is limited, and it’s better that I just leave it be. But I am hugely grateful.

A lot got done yesterday. My eyeballs are quite red and dry from all the computer hours logged, so I’ll be glad to focus on kids today, the most anti-computer screen-like things of all.

It’s just sloughing off the old, I suppose. Fear is normal, but really, it’s just boogymen, and I have a massive flashlight powered by all y’all. So, thanks.