Elephantitis.

So, I gotta admit, I’m feeling a little discombobulated this morning, and I’m not really sure what’s up. It’s like a wrong side of the bed, but not cranky, just, off. Like the films aren’t aligned properly. Not sure. Maybe as the day progresses, it’ll wear off. It’s threatening to be a gorgeous day, so I’ll hopefully spend some of it outside, or at least in a café, working.

Part of the discomfort is that I think I spent too many hours hunched over my computer yesterday, working on both my thesis and the info blast for May’s workshop. My neck muscles literally cracked when I turned to shut off my alarm – ouch. Stiff and unhappy. Computers and health may not be aligned either. Balance, I suppose.

I got the final copy of my thesis back from friends yesterday, and began my final edits. The folks I gave it to were really helpful and specific, which offset the entirely vagueness of my professors’ notes. I am marinating on a few changes that may happen – a word here, to delete one or two poems there.

The nude suit is back in. By the way. I had my performance poetry class last night, and spoke about my new idea, and that it may not warrant a nude suit, but folks encouraged me, and said, basically, why the F not. Pretty much anything that I’d get up there to say will be about getting down to the/my authentic, naked self. The professor said that it adds something visually, it doesn’t matter what the content is. So, now, the hunt for a nude-colored body suit. I have a hunch where I’ll find one, and as I just got asked to babysit this Friday, I’ll have the funds to fund it.

Although he’s a little hesitant for me to be working on a brand new piece for the performance, which is in less than two weeks, I’m pretty confident that I can bust it out – as soon as I put pen to paper. There’s SO much divided demands right now, is all. Each thing is important, none can be “dropped,” and hardly any back-burnered, but this piece has been, and I’ll do my best to crank it out in the next day or so. It won’t take long. I have it mapped out in my head. I’ll post it when it’s done.

That’s really all that’s up right now – these school demands, and the crunch time lead-up to both next Saturday’s workshop, and May’s workshop. Each are going to require some more input from me. And I just feel really thin at the moment. Only one person has actually registered for the workshop next weekend, though a few have Facebook responded. But, I’m certainly aware of the habit people have – myself included – of clicking “attend” to something they have only a vague passing notion of attending. So, I’ll have to blast that out again – if you get the email again, forgive me, but I sorta need to know how many folks will be there. Like, if there's really only one…!

Also, I have to print flyers for the May workshop, and I need to do color copy cost research for that, and then I’m going to ask a friend to help me drive around to various places in the Bay to post them up. So, I’ve got to reach out for that.

Ack. You can see, perhaps, why I feel all off. I tried to meditate some this morning, and got a few deep breaths, but not too much grounding. Maybe today is a multiple attempt at meditation day.

There’s something I heard once: a guy said that on most days he meditates a half hour, but on the days he’s really busy, he meditates an hour.

That actually makes sense to me. Now, maybe I’m not the hour-long meditator type, but I’ve sat in a few circles for 40 minutes. It’s HARD … in the beginning. Then I sort of sink into it – once my brain has had its say around what feels like 20 minutes or so of, OMIGOD are we done yet??? But, like working out, or something, once you get into it, you forget that you hated it in the beginning few minutes. The adrenaline starts to pump, or in meditation land, the serenity does. … Sometimes. Not always. Sometimes it’s 40 minutes, or in my case, 10 minutes of laundry list, punctuated by a few, oh yeah, deep breath, follow the breath, touch down, just notice – I have to get quarters for laundry – do I have any dollar bills – I love the sound the machine makes when the quarters are changed, like in Vega-- oh, right, breathe in …

So, maybe today requires a little more grounding. I’ll go meet up with some folks later today and have a bit of brain drain for an hour or so, but, this is part of my self-care. The only way I can balance all that I’ve got going on, is if I can let myself get balanced first.

I feel like that unicycle circus dude with the poles and the plates balanced on top. I’d like to feel like the elephant, rooted and pressing into the earth.