Of indeterminate weight

I met with my thesis advisor for my last meeting with her before I hand it in to the school library to be bound and put on a shelf with all the other theses that won’t be read ;) No, but really, I see the light at the end of the tunnel finally. It sort of looks like a disco ball, or headlights – in other words, it doesn’t look normal. But I suppose none of this is normal for me.

The general feedback I got from both my advisor and my faculty reader were both rather generic. One said, This is indeed a poetry thesis (great, it’s not an aardvark). The other said, It was actually interesting (great, glad you didn’t drool sleep spittle on it). But, really, I didn’t get much constructive feedback, which is a) a little relieving, and b) not very constructive.

For all the work and mental crises, a check mark, basically. But, c’est la vie. I have a few things that are room for improvement to edit/revise before she sees it again for the final sign-off before April 20^th. Also, I have it out to two poetic friends of mine for their eagle eyes on it – for, hopefully, some specific feedback.

But, for all it is now, it’s a bit anti-climactic. Which, is better than drama I suppose.

Drama will come both literally and figuratively in the two final performances I’ll have in May. The performance poetry piece I’ll write (….???) and the acting scene. I met with the poetry teacher yesterday to talk about performance persona vs. character. Theater vs. performance art. And it was helpful. If only to confirm that the “amped up version of self” that I consider performance art is actually what he also means. He clarified that it doesn’t mean to do as he does and dress as a chicano in drag with a sombrero and a dog collar. That’s his amplified version of self – for me to do something like that would be … well, who knows, maybe one day – but for today, something else.

I’m not sure what the work will be about. But I know how I’ll dress. If you remember from the Performance Persona blog, I said that the most authentic persona I could be right now was myself – well, I intend to wear a nude body suit, only.

I’d had this thought way earlier in the semester. Something about both the vulnerability and yet boldness of it appeals to me. With so much work that I’ve been doing to get comfortable with my body, present in it, a part of it – well, why not?

The only stipulations the school has, he told me, was no full frontal nudity. And he said he’d never tell me to pull it back. So, now I need material that will warrant that. Do I need to go that far? Is it sensationalism? Does it matter?

I wrote a few poems for performance yesterday, but they don’t have quite enough meat to support the visual. But like a great pair of shoes – sometimes you build the outfit around them instead of the other way around -- and so I will just have to build a performance around this visual, costume/non-costume.

I had the strangest dream that two friends insistently brought me over to do my laundry at my ex’s, and I was reluctant, as his new girlfriend might be there. She wasn’t there, but he was on the phone with her, and I felt all awkward, but everyone else seemed to think this was fine.

Random side-note.