R+D

The past two days, I’ve been functioning according to my new time plan – or schedule. My friend who helped me on Tuesday morning suggested things I would never think of myself (or let myself) like “walk,” and then insisted that I write down “piano” in capital letters.

I spend more time than I like (cough – resentment) traveling to and from school because of the shuttle schedule (though I am grateful to have it at all). On Thursdays, for a 4pm class, I’m on campus at 2:30pm, because the next shuttle doesn’t arrive until after 4. So, I have over an hour to “kill” on campus before class.

My friend knows that a spiritual nourishment of mine is playing the piano in the school chapel, and suggested I use some of that time at the piano. If it weren’t written down, I wouldn’t do it. Like, take a walk, or… the “important” piece, R+D.

Research and Development. That’s what we’re calling actions relating to job, career, income earning. I like it so much more than writing down in my new little schedule, “Job hunt.” That just sucks. Makes me dread and despise it before I begin. But “Research and Development” sounds like something significant and helpful for me. Just research. Helping me develop. Not a whip or a chastisement.

So, over the past two days, I’ve spent 4 hours in R+D. This is huge. Usually, it’s looked like a few minutes glances at craigslist, a loud harumph, a resentment, despair, and click the browser closed … and then go off to some other mindless activity to get my mind off my despair!

So, R+D for an hour, I set my alarm clock, then I have something in between before the next hour. Something nourishing. A reward perhaps. Tuesday it was “art,” and I made two little acrylic painted postcards, out of the blank postcard pad I’d bought last week. I sent one off that afternoon. Yesterday, my nourishment was a walk. Although it also included calling my mom and coordinating logistics for her and my brother’s visit in a month. But, that’s alright. I got out of the house, up into the gorgeous hills near me with houses so beautiful (and enviable).

Yesterday, I also began “development” of a newsletter to send out to the masses, announcing my new workshop that I’ll be facilitating in SF in May (G-d willing). Part of my “Go big and go home” movement is to really take ownership of this workshop, and to really put it out there. I have great support around it, and have been encouraged by numerous parties. Now, the action ball is in my court, and with those structured moments of time, I’m picking up that ball.

So, yesterday I went into Constant Contact, that mass email newsletter site. I logged in, actually, although I couldn’t remember when had been the last time I did – I knew that I had an account with them. Turns out, saved in the draft section was a newsletter I was working on in November of 2010. It was a very ambitious letter about starting an creative events company. It’s more than overly ambitious, and I think very sweet, now that it’s two years later. But what it tells me is that I’ve been working on stuff like this for a while. And there’s no reason why it shouldn’t work.

I went to brown paper tickets to check out their policies, and saw you can have free tickets too, so as to be a great way to manage RSVPs … not via a “Yes” on Facebook. (I don’t know about you, but I tend to click yes to all kinds of things I later have no intention of going to…!)

Then, through a girl friend, I saw her website for her creative coaching company. And started some work on one of my own. Because really, I know if I were going to attend a workshop, I’d want to see a website.

So, here we are. Taking action. Moving along as scheduled (although yesterday, despite being “art” time, I took a much needed nap!). I will allow for the changes I need as I come to know how I work best. I know 2 hours of R+D in a row is overwhelming. Splitting it up is helpful. I know that 15 minutes on dishes and cleaning a day will save me time in the end, and also help me to feel proud of my home I’m trying so hard to keep.

I have been building toward things like this for a long time. I have co-run this workshop before; I have a teacher singly devoted to helping me put on the free version later this month; and, as irony would have it, I have a decade of administrative, secretarial experience – so I know how to organize an event.

I’m supported in my effort of self love. Which in the end is what this is.