In All Its Forms

Yesterday, I got to cross a few more “Serenity Moths” off my list, including letting my apartment get messy (kitchen, another story); no fuzzy socks (my clothing allowance this month will now be worn on my very toasty happy feet); and not using my art and craftyness.

Today is the birthday of the woman who I have known longest in my life, second only to my family. We met when we were both three-years old in a story both our mothers love to tell.

Soon after my brother was born, my family moved from Brooklyn to northern New Jersey. Maybe that same or maybe next day, our new door bell rang. The story goes, that the little blond girl who lived just next-door stood on the door-step, looked up at my mom, and asked, “Does a little girl live here?” I peeked my head out from behind my mom's legs and we have been friends for nearly 30 years. (wow, I'd initially wrote 20!, but no, it's 30!!)

Like most friendships, it’s seen its fair share of trials, but through a fair share of miracles, we have found ourselves to be strong friends again, across the sands of time and Minnesota.

So, yesterday, I made a crafty little gift for her. I took out my tools I laid down since my Christmas card puttering-out, and infused as much love as I could into it.

I also put up a handwritten sign in my apartment, just below the very tall almost 12 foot ceiling: "Love, as much as you can." And put little hearts around it. ;P This was the edict, the command, and the hope, from the workshop I did a month or more ago when we meditated to ourselves as really old people, and asked ourselves what lessons we needed to learn. Today is the final of the 4 in the series of workshops on relationships. Spiritual Contracts and Inner Archetypes.

On the note of that type of work, I did get an email back from the Sacred Stream meditation school, and they do have a scholarship, but it’s itty bitty, and I can’t afford the course right now – particularly after I pay the security deposit to the Bay Area Modeling Guild, which I found out last night that I got in to :)  But, that’s alright, I feel like I’ve got enough spiritual shenanigans happening around and in me at the moment, that I’m not quite sure now is the right time to blow the top off myself anyway. Sometimes, I just need to regroup. Ground myself again.

So, doing these sort of “of the earth” type activities has been nice, cleaning my apartment, making art, finally in-putting my numbers on what I spent in December. (which, I was probably right to fear! oh holiday spirit…) ;)

On another note completely, so, I’d been praying for an acting coach. That was the suggestion I got from my acting friend in SF, and although I’d been half-heartedly looking, I’d also been dragging my feet feeling that I didn’t have the money to really afford a coach.

Then, I went to my Thursday afternoon class. Acting Fundamentals. I had completely forgotten that I’d signed up for this course. But I had. So, maybe I don’t have an individual acting coach, but I now have an acting teacher. Included in the price of all that I’m already paying for school. She’s the casting director for Berkeley Rep, and has been teaching acting forever, and has acted forever, and although at the moment she seemed a little sharp at the edges, I think this is just what I’ve been asking for.

After class, she said that it seemed I had more experience than the other girls, and I said, I’m open to any help she can give, and she said she tries to challenge and meet people where they’re at. I also found it rather hilarious that I’m more experienced than anyone in my theater experience, as I feel like such a novice I can’t even tie my shoes straight!

But, it’s not about comparison. It’s about what I can learn, and how I can inhabit my body and my emotions more fully. It’s about WAAAAYYY tuning down the cacophony of my heartbeat in my eardrums when I stand in front of a panel at an audition. I think the audition is the hardest part – for me at least. Good thing I have two more over the next two days. ;)

So, here’s to Love, which finds it’s way back to us, over 30 years of friendship, in the form of a needed teacher, and in the self-care which buys me these awesome fuzzy socks.