Must Be Present to Win

There’s a parable that goes something like this: A man in Italy goes every day to a statue of Jesus, and prays every day, “Jesus, please let me win the lottery, please let me win the lottery.” This man, every day goes to the statue with the same prayer. “Please let me win the lottery.” One day, the statue comes to life and says back, “Then buy a ticket.”

So, today I bought a ticket. Metaphorically. I threw my hat in the ring. … Also metaphorically, I really like my hat.

If my audition back in April or so was a belly flop with my eyes open (OUCH), then this was a belly flop with my eyes closed. So, it means, I’ve learned ;)

On my way out, I texted several friends to say I sort of blew it – my 2^nd monologue went better than my 1^st, the first being too much of a Shakespearean tongue twister I just couldn’t get memorized. But, that I did it.

A friend then called me and told me her story of her first audition and not even knowing what they meant when they asked what she’d “prepared.” And so, we learn. I learn. Sure there’s a twinge of disappointment, but more than that twinge I feel like I now know several things: first off, I know how long it takes me to memorize something – and it’s more than 12 hours!! Yep, I really only started to memorize today, although I chose the monologues…yesterday? Friday? So, yeah, good to know. and then also good information to not beat myself up. I gave it a really good go. But it was also, as I’ve said, a week of insanity with school and work, and so, good enough is good enough here.

I give myself an “A” for effort. And next time, perhaps I can prepare longer in advance.

The other things I’ve learned are, a) I can show up (Hurrah! good for me!) :) b) where to get headshots done; c) I have allies.

More than any of my other times of leaping off a cliff, this time I asked for more help, followed through on those suggestions, and reached back out to people – this is a newish thing for me – as I sometimes feel that if I’ve asked you for help once, that’s it, my lifetime supply of asking that one person that one favor or for one bout of help is used up. No more, well dry, try someone else.

That’s.Not.True. Sure, some people aren’t the giving type, but for the most part, the people in my life are invariably giving, kind, supportive, and generous. So, I asked for help a second time, and my acting friend showed up for me. And you know what? She’ll probably even take my call next time too ;)

So, that’s the end of this one round (at least I believe so – callbacks are tomorrow, so I’ll know soon enough whether I am or not). But it’s one round, not the match, or game, or series.

I’m also more willing this time to “fail,” which I’ve heard is the key to any success. Being willing to stumble is the only way to learn to walk, right? Persistence. Patience.

And maybe my next belly flop will be a cannonball instead. (Whether that’s a “better” thing or not, I have no idea) ;) (thank you friends, for your support)!!