Shht! The Universe Might Hear You!

I won’t admit this, cuz you’ll think it’s stupid.

So, to be all covert about my embarrassing secret, I’ll speak in opposites.

The books I have by my bedside table are not currently: Money Drunk, Money Sober; The Secret; Do Less, Achieve More.

See, here’s the problem with admitting to you that I’m currently reading three books which affirm that there is goodness, abundance, even – no!! – wealth in this world available to me, and truly, to you: The problem is… I believe it.

Guffaw! Gak! Me?? Me believing that if I only keep on moving forward with a heart of gratitude, generosity, and mindfulness that I might get somewhere fabulous in this world? Me believing, that – eek! – I might already be somewhere fabulous in this world? No, can’t be. Too “woo-woo,” too wishful, too fanciful. No, can’t be. Don’t you know what’s going on in this world? Haven’t you opened the NYTimes website and seen Israel, Iran, and the fatal storms throughout the U.S.? Don’t you know what’s going on??

Why, yes. Yes I do. I keep informed. I read. – I mean, I read the news. BBC News too.

And yet.

Well…I still am having a pretty good time at the moment. Sure, there’s “stuff,” but well, I just revamped my home with a few new things & rearrangements, and it looks welcoming, comfortable, inviting, safe. I have some new clothing which makes me feel feminine and pretty and stylish. I even have fancy new handsoap that smells like a spa which I used to covet at my acupuncturist's years ago. – Me?!?

Me? The girl who would submit to eating popcorn for dinner, because she can’t get to the grocery store? Who will eat plain pasta with a can of tuna because she can’t afford anything else? The girl who would … turn her underwear inside out because she needs to do the wash and doesn’t have anything else. (this is a terrifying admission – and, note, I have not done this in a long time!)

All of these actions are the products of a belief in scarcity. That I can’t have. That I can’t afford. That I’m not worth the effort of going to the store. These are products of the belief that you accept what you’ve got because “times are hard,” and “everyone’s struggling.” These habits of behavior reinforce that life is a rat race, that you need to be exhausted to make a living, that you need to make due with what comes to you.

Surprise. I’m not believing this anymore. At all.

I haven’t used a credit card or made a purchase I can’t afford in 7 months. But… and here’s the incredible part… !! I have flowers I recently purchased on my desk. I have free-trade coffee brewed in my coffee pot. I have photos in my picture frames, and my art work nestled around my apartment. … I even have a new scarf.

Squick though I may at telling you all this about my tectonic plate world-view shift, action shift, I can’t really keep all this awesomeness to myself and still be honest in this blog.

I believe in a Power which pulls men back from the gates of insanity and death. Why in the world would I not believe in one which could restore me to sanity around wealth, and enable me to receive this manifestation of love so that I might share it generously with others?